Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
