wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
