Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Randomize
