We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
