There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
