so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
