When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
