I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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