i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
