which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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