I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
