we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
