Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
