Cold hands, warm shart.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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