im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
