I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
