just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
