Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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