i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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