sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
