Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
