Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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