We're like a lot better than the average bears
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
