my phone needs a breathalizer
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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