Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
