Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
