between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
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