I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
