apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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