everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
