Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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