I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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