I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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