Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
me + whiskey = a bad person
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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