He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
