Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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