Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
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