i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
