Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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