She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
