Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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