im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
