Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
