She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
