This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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