she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Come see our sink grown plant.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
