i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize