Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize