it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
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