white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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