Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
