I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
