please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
