If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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