dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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