New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
