Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
this is an emotional support booty call
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
