Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
