And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
