I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
