erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
