This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
