omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
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All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
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I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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