I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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