two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
