I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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