I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
