can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
