he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
