My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm like, not good at living.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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