my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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