Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
