It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
