I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
