I think im going to throw up on grandma
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
