Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
