yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
