I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
