You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
