so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
