i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
