Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
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