you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
My vagina is officially offended.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
