I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize