3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
