please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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