At least make sure they are 18
Why
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
